Home 
Family Family Spirituality Lenten Resolutions
Main Menu
CatholicIreland.net News
Creighton Says Vatican Embassy May Open in Two Years
The Irish embassy in the Vatican may re-open “within the next two years” a Government minister ....
Priests murdered in Guatemala and Mexico
Two priests were recently murdered within a day of each other in Guatemala and Mexico.
In ....
Couple 78 years married bear witness to lifelong marriage
A couple married 78 years have won Worldwide Marriage Encounter’s Longest Married Couple Award ....
| Lenten Resolutions |
 |
 |
 |
|
It's always good to find something fresh in an old tradition. This year I was struck by an Ash Wednesday sermon which made me think in a fresh way about the ancient Lenten traditions of alms-giving, prayer and fasting. The pastor described them as sharing, entrusting oneself to the Lord and being able to impose limits on oneself. The older I get the more I appreciate the importance of choosing my own words carefully. Words have enormous power to give life and to suffocate it. As a parent I see only too immediately the impact of my words on my children, in their eyes and in their body language. I usually hear the impact too, often days later, when I have forgotten what it's all about but they clearly haven't! So the significance of these particular words really made me think. Sharing, entrusting and limiting sums up quite profoundly a lot of what I try to do as a Christian parent. Moreover, by focussing in a new way on these three Lenten observances I hope to find something even better to do than give up chocolate again this year. Life and listening I grew up with three other siblings so the need to share came in with the stork. Sharing then was largely a matter of clear (and accurate) division of labour and goods. I see this still with my own children. "I did the washing up yesterday." "You had the computer last night." "Who's eaten the last packet of crisps?" "That's not fair." There is rarely a need to labour the "as you give so shall you receive" point in any household of more than two children. They learn what's in their best interests pretty soon. But sharing, real sharing, after the manner of alms-giving seems to me to be about so much more. It's to do with the sharing of life and so it begs a question about how my life is shared with those I live with, and how can I do this better. What do my family really need from me for their life? After pondering on this for awhile I've decided to try to stop answering my children with an 'uh huh' or an 'oh yeah?' when they have something to say to me. It's time for me to become a better listener. Letting Go Entrusting is another massive challenge. I have two teenage daughters, one of whom delights in telling me that now she is sixteen she can go and live/work/play as she likes, all quite legally. But being sixteen she can also take more responsibility for her younger siblings. So parenting for me now is very often about evaluating boundaries, limits, rights and responsibilities. It involves a lot of 'letting go', a lot of anxiety management and, like many other parents I suspect, I find it all very hard. How far should I insist on this or that? Should I be allowing her/him/them to do that, go there, be with those strangers? Am I being overly liberal/cautious/pessimistic/optimistic? Entrusting my children to the Lord is often the only option - once I have tried to cover every other angle. My ability to do this well is connected in many ways with my capacity to impose limits on myself. Fasting from fear Each of us who have children parents first out of our own experience of being parented. If we are lucky we might get a chance as adults to reflect on what we do as parents and why and how we could do it more effectively. But our relationship with our children is always going to be coloured by the messages we received as youngsters about who we are, about what we think the world is really like and what behaviour we think is acceptable. For me the call to fasting is the call to stop working out of my own prejudices/assumptions/experiences. Some of them may be true but that is for my children and me to discover together by comparing our experiences of the world, of friendship and of our own relationship. The bottom line in all of this I think is fear. But a wise person told me once that the opposite of fear is love and I truly want to be better at love. So that's what I intend to do this Lent. I'm not sure if I'll succeed completely in my effort to listen better, to let go and to fast from fear. But I think they are pretty good ways of becoming a better parent and Christian in any season! Why don't you think about what sharing, entrusting and limiting means to you in your family life? Elizabeth Davies Bethany Family Institute |
© All material on this website is copyright of the Office of Pastoral Renewal and Family Ministry, Archdiocese of Armagh
Search
CatholicIreland.net Features
